Dark Cloud logo





Dark Endeavors

Klondike and Snow

Insulin Now!

This is Dark Cloud on Wednesday, April 19, 1995.

Like many of you, I’m wobbling on the edge of lacing strychnine into some hamburger and tossing it into the Klondike and Snow cage in Denver. There seems to be a contest as to which of the three TV stations can produce the biggest diabetic reactions with their over-long and tedious worship of the undeniably cute bear cubs. The point being that here was a great opportunity to score points with the public - you might justifiably say against the public - to inflict news, to commit insight. But this would require jock straps far too large for Denver’s cringing television stations and their wimpy news teams.

For example, in their desperation to find a new excuse for running their tape loops on the cubs, it was revealed that the two bears might be sold separately to other zoos. Stapling their wrists to their forehead, an attempt was made to fan an ignorant public's affections into flame and keep the bears in Denver with no doubt a logo from their news department on the cage and exclusive sales rights of their video at the zoo. It was nowhere noted that polar bears are solitary animals by nature, and that the public wouldn’t be able to distinguish the adult Klondike and Snow from any other bears in a couple of years, and it's well known the American public is grotesquely hypocritical in its faunal affections.

Easter, for example, sees a rush of purchases of rabbits and chicks, most of whom are neither cared for nor raised and eaten but simply ignored to death by those who oohed and ahed as their bratty children played with their new pets. Once. Those polar bears can expect the same loss of affection. Especially in a few moths when they are big enough to open the gut of a human with one swipe. A likely scenario is some moron will climb into the cage to get a Kodak moment with the cubs he saw on TV. With any fortune, he will be killed and eaten, but for that just dessert, the bears would have to be put down. Television news will do public service announcements about spay clinics and the explosion of dogs and cats, but will never take up the American love of puppies and kittens and disinterest in - and loutish care for - dogs and cats. But they will make no connection with their own contribution to the mind set.

In any case, Klondike and Snow are interesting that they bring to the fore so many startling hypocrisies of our culture. Our love of babies and hatred of teenagers and cubs and bears. Our penchant for the easy out, our inability to reward news and insight yet praise gushing garbage.

For years, certain segments of the Great Republic have chided news stations for not showing happier events. And with all three stations about to get re-shoveled around the networks, no pander for an audience is too egregious, no denominator too common or too low. We have seen the future of TV news, and it’s a diabetic monster with two white heads.