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The Out-Sourced Employees of the Intelligent Designer

Kansas Admits It's Composed Entirely of Morons

This is Dark Cloud on Wednesday, November 09, 2005.

There’s so much fodder for rumination today, what with the spanking Bush and the GOP took in elections yesterday, Senator Lott cheerfully ratting out fellow Republicans as violating law and revealing the existence of CIA prisons to the press last week, and the Governator’s utter failure to win any of his initiatives in California in an expensive, unwanted special election. Even better, in York, Pennsylvania, a sure ray of light. Eight of the nine members of a school board up for re-election who had previously come out in favor of what is laughingly called Intelligent Design were thrown out. It is hoped their moronic notion that things they don’t understand is evidence for an Intelligent Designer went with them.

But this is America. Let’s not be absurd. And, in any case, I want to talk about Kansas.

The Kansas state Board of Education just adopted new science standards that, more than other such measures approved in the United States, challenges the accepted process of evolution, and actually redefines the word “science” itself. The measure’s language expands the definition of “science” so it’s not limited to the search for natural explanations, and equates Intelligent Design to science, as President Bush wishes. It is the cry of the half-educated generalist, the amateur, the male patriarch who expected an automatic status not granted these days.

I won’t dignify the various arguments for Intelligent Design except to point out that anything incomprehensible to me, and I’m not a modest person, is hardly evidence for a God. It just means I’m too stupid to understand quantum mechanics and molecular technology except in the most basic sense, and I may flatter myself even there. I find it amazing that one hundred years doesn’t seem so long at my current age as it did when I was thirty, but I still can’t wrap my mind around the 65 million years between us and dinosaurs. Still, I side with paleontologists because it makes sense, albeit beyond my complete understanding. There’s the evidence before me in that Cambrian trilobite.

It wouldn’t take a future paleontologist to uncover the harm teaching Intelligent Design would do to those subject to it. The damage would only take a few years. Setting aside the obvious intent to return Sky God fantasy myths to the syllabus, once it is accepted the logical extensions that must emerge do not console. Once you pretend to teach both as equal and both only as theories, you have to expand it or admit the equivalency as incorrect.

Face it. Science and technology are in apparent opposition to the will of an Intelligent Designer. What is medicine, after all, but a fight against the divine wish someone should die before their time? Should the Medical Schools be forced to consider this in their curricula? This is sometimes excused because the word “doctor” is found in the Bible, and therefore medicine is supposedly okay. But so is ‘witch’ and ‘exorcism.’ If we accept that evolution – despite the evidence – is only a theory, perhaps so is medicine. Maybe, it is divine spirit and the power of prayer that heals, and it’s medicine that is just pretend. People believe this, because it flatters themselves to think it.

Of course, Mother Theresa didn’t think so. The newly sainted Hypocrite of Calcutta, who dressed up local street urchins, called them nuns, and allowed them to mop the brows of the dying, herself booked first class passage and went to the great hospitals of the West when she was feeling poorly. No damp cloth for her, bucko. She didn’t save lives, she eased the deaths of others somewhat for her own credit, both on earth and in her heaven.

Intelligent Design is a new attempt by the essentially worthless religious patriarchs to append current importance to themselves and their male and female acolytes under the guise of a logical, even reasonable codependency. We don’t have to look far to see the social benefits rigid religion substituting for science produces: Afghanistan, Iran, the more conservative parts of Israel, the clay-eating preachers of bovine America. All of these, to greater or lesser extent, promote forms of Intelligent Design and not science, and the benefits to the human race which, say, conservative Islam, Judaism, and Christianity has produced in the last five hundred years speak for themselves.

And I’d say, given the choice of throwing themselves at the knees of an Intelligent Designer for their cancers and STD’s, most if not all would make every effort to benefit from all medicinal advances produced by any means, including genetic therapies derived from fetuses. Really, what proponents of an Intelligent Designer want is an equation in their social status with the reverence given doctors and scientists of all stripes. They’ve had it for centuries, but it’s gone away, because like much psychiatry (but hardly all of it, Mr. Cruise), it’s been proven a trove of nonsense.

Evolution is not a theory, it’s a fact. That it is continually refined and updated does not threaten its essential truth, like that of natural selection, which is not the same thing. It’s not anti-God or anti-Christian. It is anti-priest and cleric, their absurd and insecure readings of their own questionably translated texts, and their bell, book, and candle, and their insistence on inserting themselves between us and our own concepts of the divine, and perfectly willing to watch us die so long as we mouth their words and acknowledge their earthly importance as Theresa so nauseatingly illustrates. I can’t do that, acknowledge status for out-sourced employees of an Intelligent Designer, and I don’t see how anyone – and especially you women – can either.

If you believe Intelligent Design is valid, you should obey it, and accept death as the will of the Intelligent Designer, and not thwart it and extend your life by benefit of the science whose existence is a blatant refutation. You won’t, though. Will you.