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Four Pills

and only $15.67!

This is Dark Cloud on Wednesday, November 07, 2007.

I’m in that testy frame of mind that comes when I realize I have, yet again, fallen for packaging and opened a just purchased bottle of vitamins – by which I mean opened a sealant around a box in which is a bagged bottle and then a tamper proof seal and then the 2006 subcontinent cotton crop and then something like four tablets which, if my mood holds, will get me through this commentary and no further and all for $15.67. That testy frame of mind.

It’s what I like about liquor. There’s a bottle with a cap or a cork. No deceit involved. If the packaging of beer or liquor was by the standards of the vitamin industry, we’d have daily murder to shame Myanmar, which I still prefer to call Burma. But, then, I still prefer Siam to Thailand, 'citizen' to 'taxpayer', and anyone to Bush or Cheney with the possible exception of Pat Robertson, who has been notably unbrotherly and failed to follow the inspirational movement of fellow bigot Jerry Falwell into the ether, where if there’s any divine justice, they would be forced to watch remakes of John Wayne movies starring Nathan Lane for eternity. Or just stir fried. I don’t care. I paid $15.67 for four pills which are nothing more than compressed grass clippings from highway meridians in Denver. What is the matter with me? Have I learned nothing?

But then, I now have the Boulder election results which I believe could have been mailed in – oh, wait; they were – and the usual hysterics from what normally would be viewed as clueless losers commenting in the media, in that they still think their views predominate and that if Boulder didn’t vote for their candidates or issues something wicked that way went. Rather, it means that for all their presumptions in letters to the Editor and blogs and other outlets, they are revealed not to have had a basis for a sentence of their origin beginning “Boulder wants….” The election results, again, show what Boulder wanted, and it wasn’t the candidates, initiatives, or issues dear to their hearts.

But what really annoys me is that it is only one year till we have a new President elect and – be there a Christian God or unctuous festive Cycloptic Trilobite in Heaven – a new embiggened Congress that has a vague notion of its constitutional duties and retrieve them from fifty years of incompetent delivery of those duties into the hands of Presidents and, this time, Vice Presidents. It’s Congress that’s supposed to do the water hauling in our government, with the executive viewed as a braking device and trauma center CEO when the squitterings hit the fan blades. And goodness, but isn’t our house fragrant and clean after Bush and Cheney?

While Britain hasn’t actually retrieved its ambassador, there’s still a year to go for Bush to work his magic and totally dismantle our incredibly tight and beneficial relationship with our government’s Mother Country, long celebrated. Standing as a self proclaimed compassionate conservative, Bush has so impressed the world as he has most Americans, that when his administration announces again that another corner has been turned, we won’t know how incompetently or unnecessarily the turn has been made, we’ll only know it was to the left. Everywhere, but especially in South America, Bush has breathed new life into discredited far left fantasies and removed centuries of inferiority complexes by showing the United States not as just a powerful and selfish bully but as a half drunk, chest pounding, insecure incompetent who can neither back up his threats or present any need to his constituents for having made them in the first place.

Under the carefully coifed gaze of Secretary Condoleeza Rice, we’ve bollixed all hope with Palestine, the geographic entity we call Iraq, or the now nuclear Persian Empire of some tinpot Ozymandias backed by religious thugs only slightly more odious than our western churches. Of course, just recently we’ve been shocked to discover that Pakistan is unstable and has taken us for a financial ride by both sheltering the Taliban and Bin Laden while purportedly chasing him down. Who, except for those annoying State Department and/or CIA types for decades, predicted such things?

As added features, we’ve simplified the Darfur horror of a decade’s standing since we found some alleged Christians to sob over. We haven’t had an intelligent, much less effective, thing to say to Myanmar, and just wait: the Philippines are next. Fortunately, we got rid of all the gay people who spoke Arabic or Thai or any of those screwy sounding furrin’ languages so that we don’t have to listen to anyone tell us what’s happening or why or how to stop it. It’s only important that we profess ourselves washed in the Blood of the Lamb and completely ignorant of science or anything constructive, like history or diplomacy.

Four pills. And not one of them a Valium.