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Breeding like flies

but, unfortunately, not dying like them

This is Dark Cloud on Wednesday, February 11, 2009.

I’ve been both relatively rich and certainly poor in my 38 years in Boulder, and have operated in several distinct social sections of our 150 year old city – and Happy Birthday!, by the way - that have, at best, passing acquaintance with each other. I’ve been in bands, in business, in jail, in hock, insolvent, and arguably insane. I’ve been on TV, cable TV, radio, drugs, Easy Street, THE street, the booze, and both the winning and losing sides. I’ve played both the Grand Old O’pry, national television, and a place called the Yucca Lounge. I’ve been on the natch and off script. I get called fascist and communist, homophobic and gay, a womanizer and laughing stock in the same days, sometimes the same hour, sometimes by the same people. I drink and don’t, I have friends and I don’t.

In fact, about the only thing of which I am sure is I would certainly have been a bad father, and perhaps the one sure thing I can say about my life of which I am entirely proud, or at least sure was the correct decision, is I didn’t have a kid I didn’t really want. During a ten year marriage and relationships later, there was ample opportunity and wish for me – yes, me, get over it – to have become a father. It’s not the ringing Darwinian endorsement or social climbing social status that goes in the obit decades hence, but it’s what it is. And yes, it’s a negative. For not procreating, I’m claiming a sort of rank.

Freshen this. Thank you.

When people in Boulder talk about their Carbon Footprint with all the dewy-eyed self-congratulations that makes us so easy to hate, I can say with a straight face I’m more golden than you. Most of you, anyway. Since 1981 I’ve owned a car for a little less than two years. Otherwise borrow, bus, or walk. Most importantly, though, I have no children. I also am one of the few who has noticed, or at least remarked upon, that our carbon footprint goes on the tally sheet of the parents, and a couple with, say, three children in an overcrowded world could not approach equalization even if, by kinetic energy of their own body and out of their own body, they carpeted the state of Iowa with Redwoods. Couples with two or more children, even with autos made of foil and powered by emphysemic gerbil wheels, even by pocket composting diaper contents and eating their hand clipped lawn leavings, will have been a bigger drain on the environment than myself. Hale, peasantry, Me.

Today, we have the heartwarming story of an overweight, unmarried woman with six children who just had eight additions. Fourteen children on our tab, by the way. She has no job, and the children would reasonably prevent her from holding one, absent a large nanny budget. And food budget. And medical budget. It’s not like her family name was Cecil, known for producing generation after generation of competent and highly successful people. She’s just a normal woman with abnormal delusions. Most people, considered normal, have abnormal delusions. We are all, each in his or her own way, insane. But her delusions are expensive and dangerous and cruel. In a world of declining ability to feed or interest itself, she opted for that which she cannot afford. But she’s on television and gets interviewed, revealing she’s entirely boring and self-centered, a total child of daytime TV.

Although barren women or barren marriages would normally be considered God’s verdict, it’s religion that paves the way for this horror of bred children likely destined to kill each other over final crumbs. The Catholic Church wants the world poor and ignorant and so likely to support the church. The Orthodox Church allows, on the island of Cyprus, Russian teens to be flown in so they can be injected with hormones and their eggs can be harvested and sold. In India, which of course is desperate for more people, medical magic allows 70 year old women to give birth, even to twins.

All our problems, from idiot Islamic suicide bombers to welfare and subsidy here, are due to unnecessary people and, far worse, unwanted people. And many of them, deprived or unable to find a job or even a role to play, reproduce to give themselves something to do, something to live for. Here in the United States, our economic horror is due to advances that have made large numbers of people worthless to each other and the commonweal. Giving birth to prove the father isn’t gay and the mother is fulfilled as a woman is not yet considered a crime, but in my actuarial lifetime, it may yet be and it long ago should have been.

Heading out? Can you drop me at the library?