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The Gores Separate

I don't want to think about the BP spill being fixed in August, or another boneheaded slaughter by Israel.....that's why

This is Dark Cloud on Wednesday, June 02, 2010.

Yesterday, the supposed inspirations for the god awful book and movie Love Story announced they were separating after forty years of marriage, kids, a child's horrific accident, much success, one heartbreaking failure, and the odd Nobel Prize. That's right, Al and Tipper Gore are on the way to a divorce, although that isn't assured.

Let me assure you, I could not care less. I just don't want to talk about the oil spill or Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Rehoboam's gigantic fiasco with a boat of Palestinian activists. Both of those topics are likely to send me into a fearful rage, so I'm ignoring these important and fascinating events and focusing today on what 99% of America's plantlife find important: other and more interesting people's lives.

It seems everyone is fascinated by the activities of the famous in areas of overlap where they themselves are also participants, albeit in decidedly different leagues. I play golf, Tiger Woods plays golf. I have a drug addiction, so does some talented singer. We're married, and the Gores or the Bushes or the Larry Craigs are also married, so how do we stack up? In general, not well, of course. The famous tend to be so for a reason, often talent or personality or beauty, and most Americans are notably devoid of those qualities. They obsess over the most obscure connection to those effortlessly famous and rich.

One of the markers derived from Puritan America is a depressing pride in enduring the long slog of marriage. People get married for all the wrong reasons, and divorce rates remain high. But divorce isn't the barometer of marriage; the bad marriages are. So painful are most unions, that politicians have discovered announcing their own longevity in one marriage to one spouse elicits the sympathy and support from those whose accomplishment column has only such a meaningless benchmark. The longer endured, the more good is done, the moral fabric of the nation is strengthened, and the word 'family' becomes capitalized and a badge of some sort of superiority.

This is the reason for the fascination with the marital and sexual scandals involving the famous, both deservedly so and the celebutards like Paris Hilton. You can feel superior to the rich and/or famous because of the duration of your union beyond the duration of theirs, or the existence of your union over the absence of theirs, whether or not said union is still a source of happiness to anyone involved.

One of ways this desperation expresses itself is in the speedy manner the obese or otherwise decidedly unattractive inform those just met of the existence of a spouse or significant other, generally apropos of nothing in the conversation and wedged in so awkwardly it calls attention to the desperation rather than its dispersal.

One of the reasons I was not enthused for discussions of gay marriage, aside from the Festival of Hypocrisy and Extortion which is the wedding, is that it struck me as stupid for a community of supposedly successful and smart, creative people to pine for that social regression. It's just a palatable excuse to dress up. I understand and agree that any two adults should be able to unite under law as any other two adults, but really the entire concept of marriage, gay or straight, is a burden to society. Why should two adults, without children, be paying less taxes than if they were single and living apart? Why do we use taxation to underwrite unneeded and unaffordable children, a substantial portion of whom have no job prospects or purpose to the commonweal?And why the hell should people, even having had a relatively successful marriage with accomplished children and everyone pretty much getting along, not separate without condemnation or discussion later in life to find romance again with someone else? Why not have affairs or open marriages since child paternity is easy to establish these days and therefore property can be knowingly accorded to those you wish? That was the sole purpose of marriage, not romance.

I was, late in my marriage, both unfaithful and a cuckold but, since single, have rather enjoyed periodically being the other man in the lives of adulterous women because it's simple and you're hardly ever in each other's company unless there's a mutual wish to be. If you're both single, though, it often seems there's a seven hundred pound gorilla in the bed with you, suffocating and immobile.

It isn't always the question about the relationship's status. Mostly, it's their inevitable cat or dog sleeping across your face. Not all great….